I just got back home from such an ecstatic event at the university area where I studied (Taft Avenue, Manila) and I feel so much more proud to become a Lasallian or maybe proud to become someone that I am now because of a Lasallian institution. I did not really study in the De La Salle University, I actually studied across the university, in it's sister institution -- the De La Salle - College of St. Benilde, which by its name also tells that it is overtly still Lasallian. And today, or rather yesterday (I have the habit of being confused when I tell about something that just happened the day before when I haven't slept yet as I consider it still being in one day) was the Centennial celebration of Lasallian presence in the Philippines. It was such a big day that the president of the country even initiated the start of the day's celebration with his presence, and scores of students, be it in the university or under its system flocked to the university area, and even just anyone as it was also open day. The town was literally in the streets. And the funny thing was, everyone came wearing green as it was our color. It's just one of those bizarre opportunities you'll have when you study in the Philippines. As I was talking with a friend after the event, he was relating how nice would it be to feel being a college student in the Philippines than in the US as back here, college peers are more close knit. I kind of disagreed with him, knowing that he was not so much of a sociable person.
Anyway, I'm just proud of being who I am. Being green. It's just overwhelming to see the crowds earlier, and how the avenue looked vibrant with the festivities underway. I also had been nostalgic of walking along the avenue when I'm in the area, whether having a break or just hanging out with college friends. And I was also with two of my closest college friends. And being the silly students that we are, we missed how we would cut classes to escape to somewhere else. And it felt like that earlier, just that the whole school's with you and it was like midnight. Really really fun.
So as I was on my way home, I was thinking of too many topics on the jeepney rather than staring at other passengers which can't be helped as the seats are designed in such a way that you can't escape from the habit. I don't know what I was thinking that led me to remember those beer nights I used to have back in Brunei with Papa. I call my dad "Papa" as growing up, that's how we got used to call him. Friday nights were what we used to spend beer nights on. It was our bonding time. It might sound too cliche as a "straight" activity to do, but that's just how we rolled our Friday nights. In Brunei, weekends were Fridays and Sundays. Usually on Thursdays and Saturdays, I spend the nights out with friends. So yeah, during Friday nights me and Papa bonded over beer and maybe with a DVD I've bought in the huge pirated DVD department store 'Komunis' or maybe catch a replay of a football game. Those times were also when we would go first to the border town of Malaysia, ie Kuala Lurah, to buy a maybe 6 bottles of Tiger beer or maybe Corona. And then sitting on the couch we would tell how our week went, forgetting the petty fights we would have each day during the weekdays. I was growing up, and being different, and growing up in Brunei, I felt constrained and limited of my expressions. Friday was the day that it was okay to talk easy of things. If I was illegal in Brunei, during Friday we both were doing somewhat illegal in Brunei as well. It's not really illegal for a non-Muslim to enter liquor back to Brunei, but everything is in moderation. Friday felt so easy, even if it also meant of the impending hangover that was to come the day after, as well as the difficulty of getting out of bed to go to school on a Saturday morning. Those things, I've treasured. Especially when you compare to what is going on in right now being back here in the Philippines. Sometimes I don't know where I really feel home and comfortable and relaxed. Earlier, before I left home, my mom even reminded me of not spending the night at someone else's house because I have my own house. I told her that I was getting sick of being at home almost everyday and every time. She did not respond.
It just sucks to live through this. I just feel weak and poor over here, especially when I think about money when money is not what it used to be. But I'll try to feel more grateful and thankful that my parents have tried with the best that they can to provide not only for me, but also for my brother.
However, I still miss our bonding time. I just wonder what has happened to that. What happened to their drive? Is it because they've seen my pictures of me being so red and drunk and smoking while drinking? I don't know. Maybe it's just really the money. It's depressing, and frustrating to think of them.
ps. I'm so hooked to listening to Robyn right now. Actually it's not only Robyn, but to other Scandinavian artists including but not limited to Lykke Li, Kleerup, Bjork, El Perro del Mar. But Robyn really stands out to me. Some time last week, I posted this video of "Call Your Girlfriend" by Robyn on my Facebook, and just felt for its lyrics. Also, listening to them somehow excites me of studying hopefully abroad for graduate school. I'm so drawn to studying in Aarhus University in Denmark and the University of Amsterdam, or just any school out there who would recognize my underrated efforts as a student just that I'm not really keen of studying again here in the Philippines. I like new things, and in my perspective everything I see new here are just a repeat of things I might have seen somewhere here and it just sickens me. I have even learned how to ride the bike as I noticed that this will become handy when I study abroad. We just don't have money. So for me to apply there, I'll need to test for TOEFL or IELTS again, and then apply for a scholarship that will let me in. Oh well, crossing fingers.
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