Loss of presence

Again, I've been away from the blogosphere for such a long time (three weeks, I think). The reasons, are just a lot. But no, I haven't started working yet, and no I'm not busy having sex with a new boyfriend. I don't have a job yet, and I don't have a boyfriend yet. I don't even think I need one right now. But of course, I have a lot of stories for you.

The title is a bit apt for this post that I will share. Well, one of the reasons why I was away of the scene, was because two people close to me have passed on. First, a friend's sister, succumbed to cancer. Second, my late aunt's husband, died at the age of 70. All happened in one week. All happened last week. And by now, I can say that their absence is slowly seeping in.

I wasn't really close to my friend's sister. We went to the same college, entered college the same year, and took the same program, but I was more close to her older sister, who was of the same school and program but a batch ahead of us. Come to think of it, we didn't really have a lot of shared somethings together. In tallying our conversations together, we only had plain small talk. But I do admire her.

It was during our second year in college that she found out she was sick. I heard about it, I thought that it was an ordinary sickness, until I began to be wary when I learned she had to file a leave for absence. Then I discovered that it was actually serious. She had Lymphoma, which was the kind of cancer she had. And what I admired in her, was her strength and her 'straight man' character in dealing her affliction. I have never seen her being weak, and for anything plausible, I believe she fought well until the very end.

Lymphoma is actually treatable, but due to the late discovery of the disease, and the location of the affected parts of her body (between her heart and lungs), recovery seemed a challenge. And so last August 13th noon time, she took her last breath in barter for eternal rest from pain and suffering. The day me and my friends went to her wake, I couldn't control my tears when her mother recounted her last moments with her daughter. It was sad, but I tried to absorb what her mother wanted to tell. That death was the only relief to the pain she suffered. She died at the tender age of 20.

For my uncle, he was already having a stroke before he passed on the 14th, the day after my friend's sister. It was a sad occasion, because his eldest daughter wasn't at his death bed when he died. Multiple organ failure. He wasn't really a direct relative, but he was still part of extended family in my dad's side, and he was family. Being the husband of the eldest of my dad's brothers and sisters, he became part of family decades before I was even planned to be conceived. My dad was even the ring-bearer at their wedding. He didn't even have surviving siblings in a brood of 16 (back in the old times, it was common for a big family, especially in the provinces). Because of that, he became an adopted brother of my father, even if he carried a different surname, and had made my aunt to change her surname as well.

But even how sad it was for us, it also became one of the funniest and happiest funerals I've been to. Seriously. I only cried during the last night of the wake, which went on for seven days, where he was buried on the seventh day. I went there for like five days, and as it's one of those occasions where you can't help but reunite with relatives you haven't seen for a long time, it became our chance of keeping up with the lost time spent with one another, especially with cousins, and nephews!

That's actually what I like about funerals -- it becomes a reunion where the cause of the reunion was due to the most genuine and sincere of sentiments toward the person who has died. As my dad also came from a big family of 12 siblings, relations between brother and sister weren't always that pleasant. But because of what happened, everyone just had to put it aside and be at peace because of course, every one who dies would like to have a peaceful rest.

I was even more excited to see my nephews who talk in cute Aussie accents, as my cousin, our uncle's eldest, migrated years ago to become an Aussie battler and started a family. And also because her eldest son looked like my dad when he was still a kid, I was just amused to see my dad's junior carbon copy talking to me in an Aussie accent.

Being the only unemployed among cousins who already graduated college, I took the duty of being the nanny of the nephews.

Another funny part of the funeral was the diverse customs and folk beliefs we had to observe. In the Philippines, funerals are a sacred event, and Filipinos would like to exaggerate its sacredness by doing a lot of do's and don't's that God knows where they come from and who invented them. I really swear that they're so weird. Just like that it is not good to take home food or anything served to you from the funeral. Normally, funerals here become quasi-feasts with overflowing snacks and sweets. And then, there's also this belief that you have to go somewhere else for awhile before going home from a funeral in order to 'dust off elements' accumulated during the visit to the funeral. We call this 'pagpag' or 'dust off'. And there are just a lot more, more even during the burial itself. What adds more diversity is because my dad's family has Jewish heritage, so we also observe quite a number of Jewish traditions for funerals. Like we don't listen to music, even live acts. Then during the burial, we fill the grave too after funeral service with a shovel pointing down, and after throwing three shovelfuls of dirt, we put the shovel on the ground rather than pass it around. Oh and we don't shave or cut our hair. I know, really weird.

Anyway, yeah it really is sad when you remember the times you still see these people, and then to conclude that you won't be seeing them again (or maybe soon). But we the living have to get on going, as what our loved ones who have left already might have want us to do. I'm sure, where they are, they're in a better place and have found peace. However, I'll still miss them.

Why?
Why do I think that my friends are the ones who are pulling me down?

Guys who have issues with my Fruit of the Loom briefs can just leave me and my bed alone. They can start chewing their fake CK briefs on the get-go.

Just sayin'

on watching TV

Before, I used to get really intimidated and insecure when the conversation you're in gets in at topics you're not familiar with. Take for example, their favorite TV shows.

I do confess my love for television, my fan-dom for MTV, and my subscription for the best couch potato seat for primetime evenings. But that was then, when I lived life like Cinderella, when I always had to return home before 12mn.

Thinking about my intimidation and insecurity now, I realized that I don't really have to feel such, since it's actually them who should feel a bit ashamed of themselves.

Growing up, I taught myself a lot of new things. New things that I discovered outside the four corners of the television screen. New things I've learned as I distanced myself from radiation. Adventures and experiences that are worthwhile to earn myself this feeling of wisdom and knowledge. Something more informing of what you get on the telly. And also growing up, I always hated my duty of closing my dad's mouth and tapping him so that he could regain consciousness and to tell him that his partner has left him to warm their bed by herself. Until now, he has the habit of dozing off in front of the television set.

Well, while it's all true that the telly is so much entertaining, informative and also innovative, then what about books? What about genuine contact to things that aren't virtual?

There is more to life than Gossip Girl, EastEnders, Neighbours, or whatnot.

What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to feel bad that you don't have the time to watch TV like other people. You should be proud of yourself that you've been doing much productive work than them. Something that really makes sense.

Now for those of you who have the luxury of time to be sitting in front of the TV, please have the openness that not all of us aren't as privileged as you. Don't brag about how much you know of some show we haven't even heard of, but have the notion of being the storyteller, of sharing us the knowledge this show has brought you.

Hey, but TV isn't really bad, like now I'm watching reruns of Queer as Folk.

Clubbing in Manila

I am writing this entry, as inspired by Luuworld's very simple question to my previous entry.



Luuworld: Was it a mixed/ gay club?


In Manila, there are no strict straight bars or clubs, and the night scene is very tolerant of whatever sexual orientation you may have. They may exist, but with the social set-up this country has, there maybe private places where only their members can attend. And before everything else, let me just clarify that in Filipino layman's terms, a club is a discotheque. Same when you talk about bars. Majority of Filipinos can barely see the difference that delineates what is a club and a bar. I think it's because majority of the clubs here have bars. If you say "nightclub" in the Philippines, the term sometimes connotes a different tone, more of the venue where sexpats, pedophiles, and sex tourists would congregate.

To tell you the truth, I haven't been to gay bars or gay clubs that much. I can count by fingers the times I've been to one, and mostly, I only go because a friend asked me to accompany them (yeah yeah, you can tell by now that I really do like chaperoning for friends). Let's just say that it's not my scene, and I only have a handful of gay friends. I'm even more closer to my straight friends who have been open of my sexual orientation and have been ever-supportive of my decisions and my lifestyle. I love them so much, even though they fail me at times.

that's me on the end with a sheepish smile and
my gay club-first timer Japanese friends

I also have a funny story about the last time I went to a gay club. It was during my Japanese friends went to Manila for a short visit, and they didn't have decent clothes to go to hip straight clubs. In gay bars and clubs, the dress code is almost non-existing. The rules are more relaxed, but I think you still can't wear flip flops. So on to my story, me and my tomodachis just went to a gay club, since it was nearer to their hotel and none of them have been to one before. At first I was quite hesitant of bringing them thinking that they wouldn't like it and they wouldn't really enjoy it. But they actually did! I think we were the only tourists there, and as Filipinos, being one of the most hospitable races in the world, we had free drinks on the house and also a lot of the other patrons enjoyed my tomodachis' company. Probably because they were unassuming of such encounter to happen in a gay club, I mean, in a Filipino gay club! Then we went to the other places, since we were in a gay district. But again, I was a bit paranoid at our last stop because one tomodachi tabled a gogo boy!

my friend, and her purchase that night, a gogo boy

Anyway, back to the general clubbing scene in Manila, well if you've been to Los Angeles and have checked the night scene there, chances are you might be nostalgic of each other's nightlife when you're in one of the mentioned. It's just that in Manila, most of the "hottest" places are strict on the attire, requiring smart casual or something collared, and covered shoes for gentlemen. Short pants is no entry. So in here it's more aesthetic when it comes to the dress code. The ladies can actually wear anything just that they can't wear short pants as well, flip flops, and I don't know. I'm not a lady, so I really don't know. The trick is to to look extra-decent. So if you're wondering if you might be overdressed, then you might be wearing the right attire. Anyway most of the trendiest, most happening venues, I believe, have their web presence. So if you need a guide on what to wear and what to expect, you can always Google their website. For example, this is the website of the club we went to last Friday, and you can see at their FAQ their dress code.

Now on the topic of 'sexual segregation' in Manila's clubs, again, it rarely happens, except of course the management of the venue has the understanding that there may be something vulgar going on. Taking for example prostitution, public indecency, cottaging, etc. Again, I'm not really a clubbing type of  a person, I'd rather just have intimate long dinners with very close friends and drink a little with our own pace, or enjoy good music at live gigs of local bands we love, or have a quick road trip out of the city. And should we want to go have a drunk night, we'd rather do it at one of our homes, so that it won't be scandalous and it would  still be comfortable for us. It's also cheaper, since you don't have to pay exorbitant prices from the grocery where you buy the poison of choice. By the way, I'm more of a wine person, and I love Argentine Malbecs and German fruit wines.

But if ever I get the time to go clubbing, I seldom visit the gay venues. Have you ever heard of the type of person who doesn't get checked out at gay bars and clubs, but gets lucky when it's at a straight one? Yeah, I'm one of those. Mind you, they get to be my types too. Haha! And I get more free drinks, both from guys and from innocent girls!

Well, I hope I got to give you readers an insight on the clubbing scene in Manila, on my perspective. Always remember to keep safe at all times.