I think that I will have to dispose this one for a new one.

I have a new life now. And for a new life, comes new words.

Anyway, hello there reader! It's such a shame that this might be the last (and if it's your first time here, your first) post you'll ever read from me here.

Goodbye.

I hate my boss so much

My boss is a good man. But he has this messianic complex. He knows all the good for everybody, even without knowing everything about them.

:(

It still hurts, you know?
It hurts when I remember all of a sudden the way how we met.
It hurts for me how I can't emote on the bus to work. I wish buses didn't have windows.

How do I maintain oblivion that everyday will be a good day. That I won't miss you.

It hurts because I feel I'm stuck. I want to move on, but my heart is refusing me. Like I'm frozen to the ground. I want to leave, but I feel lost. I don't know where I am and I don't know where to go.

I wonder who you watch those new movies with. We used to go on a lot of dates watching movies. It's either I buy the tickets or pay the food. Who ever has more money to spend. It pains me reading those new status messages on Facebook about how you love this movie, this food. While we were still together, we rarely chanced on watching the good ones that you would love. You were hard to impress.

I'm still hurting, and it looks like it's nothing to you. But yes, you won't see me crying. Because even if you weren't looking, I haven't cried for you yet.

Over

Dear blog, Andrew and I are over.
Until now, it still pains to for me to remember especially when sudden flashbacks of what you've had and what you shared all come rushing like a sudden torrent in a waterfall. You can finally hear the heartache of one hand clapping. It's been two weeks ago.

But I was the one who called it quits. Nothing matters to him but only himself. Too selfish, while I was too idealistic. I guess I'm still naive -- and he knows that. But he failed to be extra-caring to the fact I . I only had a few simple demands, while he had a lot.

The sex may be great, but what happens between those sexcapades pinned me the most -- security. The most crucial thing aside from his care, trust and love that I have to feel the most.

I'd like to think that I never regretted giving time, affection and uh, devotion to him.. but I do regret them. I regret spending almost four months of dating where in the end my heart got tired.

Honestly, I haven't cried. And maybe will not. My Tio Pablo (Neruda) has kept me company ever since. But if I do, then I will.

Dear blog, tonight and in any day I can write again. Not only the saddest lines.

Hello blog. I think I'm starting to trust Andrew.

I am not a very trusting person. Not even my friends. But I don't know why. He's just too honest. He even tells me about this night he made out with some stranger in a bar when he was out with his friends the other night.

I didn't get jealous, instead I felt relieved in a weird way. I mean, if he gets to tell you in all honesty the things he shouldn't be doing while you're in this process of dating.. then that is something.. right?

Oh and last night was cute. Cuddling all night long. I feel such a kid again. :)