Maybe I'll avoid drunk people

I hate being the cause of stern emotions in the group of friends. It's not entirely my fault. And it wasn't something I want to happen. It was actually something I was avoiding, that I thought I halted from happening.

You see, my close female friend's heteroflexible boyfriend was so drunk on my friend's birthday that he asked to dance with me that night at the club we were in (here we go again with drunk people). This time, he was already getting touchy-feely until our friend joined us to dance with us (good move!). I think I was obvious in my body language that I'm not enjoying the situation. He's hot, yes. But he's my friend's boyfriend. You'll have to be extra-prophetic about the conclusions that will happen if you're not being responsible enough. So after having a dance a la menage a trois, I sat down at our table and fixed myself a drink, or fixed drinks, while talking to the other people at the table.

And then, I had to excuse myself to go to the toilets. As the urinals were all full, I proceeded to take the vacant of two cubicles inside as I can feel the leak on the way. After peeing, as I stepped out of my cubicle, my friend's boyfriend was there standing and waiting for me to get out of the cubicle. I knew he was waiting for me, as there were already vacant urinals, and the other cubicle was now empty as well. And all of a sudden, without warning, he locked my lips that I couldn't breathe! He was kissing me! French! Yes, WITH TONGUE! It was intense! He then let go of me and after that, he painted his face with a sinister grin like those perverts in movies. I didn't know how to react because first, he's drunk and I don't know of what else he's capable of doing when drunk, and second, he's my friend's boyfriend! So my witty self decided to just play along, telling him "well.. you're not really the best kisser.. and also not on my list. Better luck next time," and I grinned also copying his. Then, as if he heard nothing he said, "let's have a threesome! in my car.. with [insert friend's name here]." So I dragged him to the sink area, and grabbed a lot of tissue to damp his face with water, and told him "next time.. I didn't douche my ass.." And I think he sobered a bit, and apologized, which was a relief as I don't know how to explain my friends how come it took time for me or us to return to the table. So we went back to our party, with his arm comfortably rested on my shoulder. Honestly, I'd say I think I saw a few raised eyebrows, but I just set aside whatever dirty thoughts of mine and convinced myself that this party is meant for good vibrations.

The night ended well. However it's what happened the next day that made me realize that it wasn't over yet. I received a message the following night from an unregistered number in my phone, saying "heya mark. how's it going? you were cute last night." So I replied to ask who it was, thinking it might be someone else. Well obviously it wasn't, and he wanted to meet me that night and was willing to come to my house. I don't know what I was thinking but I actually said yes to it, maybe I was thinking that we would clarify the events of the night before. But he didn't. He just went ahead and continued being flirty, that at some point my hand was on his hard-on. Although this time he was sometimes sincere, telling me how sorry he was by the way he acted last night. I just had to ask this simple question if he finds me attractive, and he actually does. He said he sometimes mesmerizes at work thinking about me and whenever I'm not present at a friend's gathering, he wonders why I'm not there. I find him a sweet lad, actually, but I kept reminding him that he has a girlfriend, who happens to be one of my closest friends. Unfortunately, my friend actually knew that he was a bit bent on his sexuality, as he told me. However, my friend doesn't know that I also share the place of being an object of his desire. Such an unfortunate situation to be in. Anyway nothing happened that night. Well, alright, he kissed me, but this time with my permission, but just that. Well, he happens to be a good kisser when he's sober. But the kiss came with the deal that it would be the last, and nothing more. And should he really find it impossible to control his fooling around, at least, not with me. He may be sweet, but still he's just too provocative and too aggressive in a sexual way.

I'm honestly not thinking clearly, and my shrink agrees with me on this. These days, I tend to have a big mouth that I told one of our other friends, who happens to be her best friend. I thought that she wouldn't tell her, and she would sympathize with me, or to recognize my being selfless, but she didn't. In the end, she too had a big mouth. She didn't just tell my friend, but all friends in our group. Thankfully I do have a few other groups of friends who are keeping me company, and they haven't learned of what has happened yet. The weird thing is my friend who's supposed to be mad at me, isn't. But I think I was also the cause of their relationship to be on a cool-off. I can feel she's appreciative of what I've done. Perhaps the boyfriend explained to her that I am faultless in this situation. Because of that, I love my friend even more, as she has this impression on me that she chooses friends before her boyfriend. Of course, we are both harboring awkward feelings toward each other, but in our group, she's more relaxed than the others like as if I committed a crime of adultery. Well, someday it will be through. It honestly makes me a bit more depressed and anxious, that's why my shrink is starting to prescribe me some meds again. But this time my shrink isn't giving me Prozac anymore. I'm on Zoloft now, which I think is milder, but gives me a lightheaded feeling, which is swell. So tough times, and to be tougher, the tough has to get going.

I was chatting with a friend just now. This friend is a bit close to the guy I had a date with whom I talked about yesterday. I was trying to fish about the guy, asking about her friends, asking about him, giving her an excuse because I saw him some time before and we had a good reception. She told me that he's dating someone -- and that this someone is a woman.

Weird. Alright, so okay, move on to the next guy, then!

Giving base

I'm not really the kind of guy who would give my base to any guy I'm on a date with. I'm not really easy. Well fine, of course, it depends on my mood, my timely feelings, and obviously hormones for me to stick to this rule. But whatever, I try my best -- and it has been successful with a rate of maybe 64% -- not to bed someone that fast. You know, I'm still naive about sex. I believe that sex is sacred, and you only go to bed with people whom you really love. Although I do sometimes believe that sex can give you love. Whatever.

Remember that night that went wrong I posted a few months ago? And remember that I also got approached by this guy before my kill-joy friends nabbed me away to take care of their drunkenness? Well, it turns out that he's also figured my profile on Facebook, and went ahead to add me. Of course, I didn't approve his request. I'm still quite insecure of my Facebook profile and how it might affect the impression prospective partners will have from it. So I just messaged him, and clearly explained that we had common friends and I wouldn't like to make lies to our friends on how we'd met, especially if they might discover about this under their noses, when we were under the influence of alcohol to flirt like and yadda yadda yadda. In reply, he suggested that we'd just meet, telling me that he is sincere on meeting me over decent dinner, to prove to me that he is indeed sincere. I accepted the invitation to have dinner at some place near his pad, thinking that he might be really into me in a sincere way amid the flirts we exchanged that night.

The dinner happened a few weeks ago, on a Saturday. I still remember how he dressed to the nines that night. I was expecting him to look all business attire-ish, but it appeared that he took time to have a shower and change clothes. I give people who show effort a lot of points. He's a pretty interesting lad, working in some marketing cum public relations firm, and 4 years my senior. He has a master's degree from a famous school in Barcelona on a scholarship, and is very literate in a lot of languages. Another plus of points with multiplication this time! He said he's been single for nearly 3 years. And has been looking and lurking around in search of love, as what he said. And I believe him then. We ate Thai cuisine and drank Singha while talking about each other's life's stories and finding commonalities. I'd say that we really have a lot in common, and maybe similar feelings for each other that time. But I don't know, there was this some other feeling in me that was uneasy. Something telling me to be not fully entrusting.

That night I made a mistake. For whatever reason, I found myself making out with him at his pad's doorstep with his left hand's fingers running through my chest trying to unbutton my shirt while the other hand was scrambling to switch on the light. The foreplay was intimate and passionate. It seemed to me that the start of romance commenced while fooling ourselves at dinner with our feet brushing each other's legs, while discussing serious life and relationship matters. The mistake was I cut it short, and with days of thinking and soul-searching, I think the reason I cut the romance short was because of my rule that I won't bed someone on the first date. Even if I feel dignified that I chose to stick to my values, I feel that I just lost a good part of my life. Because after that night, communication turned zero. And today, while I write this, my heart feels crushed. Because the first time I did when I woke up was to call him but because he wasn't answering, I texted him, only to have not even a single reply.

So yes, I'm still single. Although I regret what I did, I know I learned that it's alright to break personal rules, especially when the chemistry feels perfect. Damn and now I feel horny.