I hate being the cause of stern emotions in the group of friends. It's not entirely my fault. And it wasn't something I want to happen. It was actually something I was avoiding, that I thought I halted from happening.
You see, my close female friend's heteroflexible boyfriend was so drunk on my friend's birthday that he asked to dance with me that night at the club we were in (here we go again with drunk people). This time, he was already getting touchy-feely until our friend joined us to dance with us (good move!). I think I was obvious in my body language that I'm not enjoying the situation. He's hot, yes. But he's my friend's boyfriend. You'll have to be extra-prophetic about the conclusions that will happen if you're not being responsible enough. So after having a dance a la menage a trois, I sat down at our table and fixed myself a drink, or fixed drinks, while talking to the other people at the table.
And then, I had to excuse myself to go to the toilets. As the urinals were all full, I proceeded to take the vacant of two cubicles inside as I can feel the leak on the way. After peeing, as I stepped out of my cubicle, my friend's boyfriend was there standing and waiting for me to get out of the cubicle. I knew he was waiting for me, as there were already vacant urinals, and the other cubicle was now empty as well. And all of a sudden, without warning, he locked my lips that I couldn't breathe! He was kissing me! French! Yes, WITH TONGUE! It was intense! He then let go of me and after that, he painted his face with a sinister grin like those perverts in movies. I didn't know how to react because first, he's drunk and I don't know of what else he's capable of doing when drunk, and second, he's my friend's boyfriend! So my witty self decided to just play along, telling him "well.. you're not really the best kisser.. and also not on my list. Better luck next time," and I grinned also copying his. Then, as if he heard nothing he said, "let's have a threesome! in my car.. with [insert friend's name here]." So I dragged him to the sink area, and grabbed a lot of tissue to damp his face with water, and told him "next time.. I didn't douche my ass.." And I think he sobered a bit, and apologized, which was a relief as I don't know how to explain my friends how come it took time for me or us to return to the table. So we went back to our party, with his arm comfortably rested on my shoulder. Honestly, I'd say I think I saw a few raised eyebrows, but I just set aside whatever dirty thoughts of mine and convinced myself that this party is meant for good vibrations.
The night ended well. However it's what happened the next day that made me realize that it wasn't over yet. I received a message the following night from an unregistered number in my phone, saying "heya mark. how's it going? you were cute last night." So I replied to ask who it was, thinking it might be someone else. Well obviously it wasn't, and he wanted to meet me that night and was willing to come to my house. I don't know what I was thinking but I actually said yes to it, maybe I was thinking that we would clarify the events of the night before. But he didn't. He just went ahead and continued being flirty, that at some point my hand was on his hard-on. Although this time he was sometimes sincere, telling me how sorry he was by the way he acted last night. I just had to ask this simple question if he finds me attractive, and he actually does. He said he sometimes mesmerizes at work thinking about me and whenever I'm not present at a friend's gathering, he wonders why I'm not there. I find him a sweet lad, actually, but I kept reminding him that he has a girlfriend, who happens to be one of my closest friends. Unfortunately, my friend actually knew that he was a bit bent on his sexuality, as he told me. However, my friend doesn't know that I also share the place of being an object of his desire. Such an unfortunate situation to be in. Anyway nothing happened that night. Well, alright, he kissed me, but this time with my permission, but just that. Well, he happens to be a good kisser when he's sober. But the kiss came with the deal that it would be the last, and nothing more. And should he really find it impossible to control his fooling around, at least, not with me. He may be sweet, but still he's just too provocative and too aggressive in a sexual way.
I'm honestly not thinking clearly, and my shrink agrees with me on this. These days, I tend to have a big mouth that I told one of our other friends, who happens to be her best friend. I thought that she wouldn't tell her, and she would sympathize with me, or to recognize my being selfless, but she didn't. In the end, she too had a big mouth. She didn't just tell my friend, but all friends in our group. Thankfully I do have a few other groups of friends who are keeping me company, and they haven't learned of what has happened yet. The weird thing is my friend who's supposed to be mad at me, isn't. But I think I was also the cause of their relationship to be on a cool-off. I can feel she's appreciative of what I've done. Perhaps the boyfriend explained to her that I am faultless in this situation. Because of that, I love my friend even more, as she has this impression on me that she chooses friends before her boyfriend. Of course, we are both harboring awkward feelings toward each other, but in our group, she's more relaxed than the others like as if I committed a crime of adultery. Well, someday it will be through. It honestly makes me a bit more depressed and anxious, that's why my shrink is starting to prescribe me some meds again. But this time my shrink isn't giving me Prozac anymore. I'm on Zoloft now, which I think is milder, but gives me a lightheaded feeling, which is swell. So tough times, and to be tougher, the tough has to get going.
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