Remember that night that went wrong I posted a few months ago? And remember that I also got approached by this guy before my kill-joy friends nabbed me away to take care of their drunkenness? Well, it turns out that he's also figured my profile on Facebook, and went ahead to add me. Of course, I didn't approve his request. I'm still quite insecure of my Facebook profile and how it might affect the impression prospective partners will have from it. So I just messaged him, and clearly explained that we had common friends and I wouldn't like to make lies to our friends on how we'd met, especially if they might discover about this under their noses, when we were under the influence of alcohol to flirt like and yadda yadda yadda. In reply, he suggested that we'd just meet, telling me that he is sincere on meeting me over decent dinner, to prove to me that he is indeed sincere. I accepted the invitation to have dinner at some place near his pad, thinking that he might be really into me in a sincere way amid the flirts we exchanged that night.
The dinner happened a few weeks ago, on a Saturday. I still remember how he dressed to the nines that night. I was expecting him to look all business attire-ish, but it appeared that he took time to have a shower and change clothes. I give people who show effort a lot of points. He's a pretty interesting lad, working in some marketing cum public relations firm, and 4 years my senior. He has a master's degree from a famous school in Barcelona on a scholarship, and is very literate in a lot of languages. Another plus of points with multiplication this time! He said he's been single for nearly 3 years. And has been looking and lurking around in search of love, as what he said. And I believe him then. We ate Thai cuisine and drank Singha while talking about each other's life's stories and finding commonalities. I'd say that we really have a lot in common, and maybe similar feelings for each other that time. But I don't know, there was this some other feeling in me that was uneasy. Something telling me to be not fully entrusting.
That night I made a mistake. For whatever reason, I found myself making out with him at his pad's doorstep with his left hand's fingers running through my chest trying to unbutton my shirt while the other hand was scrambling to switch on the light. The foreplay was intimate and passionate. It seemed to me that the start of romance commenced while fooling ourselves at dinner with our feet brushing each other's legs, while discussing serious life and relationship matters. The mistake was I cut it short, and with days of thinking and soul-searching, I think the reason I cut the romance short was because of my rule that I won't bed someone on the first date. Even if I feel dignified that I chose to stick to my values, I feel that I just lost a good part of my life. Because after that night, communication turned zero. And today, while I write this, my heart feels crushed. Because the first time I did when I woke up was to call him but because he wasn't answering, I texted him, only to have not even a single reply.
So yes, I'm still single. Although I regret what I did, I know I learned that it's alright to break personal rules, especially when the chemistry feels perfect. Damn and now I feel horny.
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